is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
