Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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