That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She needs sedatives and a leash
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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