Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
