It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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