you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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