i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
