I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
