I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
