ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Green mimosas i think yes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
