i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
