Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
