Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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