I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I sprained my soul last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
