I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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