dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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