I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
