Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
