I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This baby is an asshole
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
