i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
