She is in my trunk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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