escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
