she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
