Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
