I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize