tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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