I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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