Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
