would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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