I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
