First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
