Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
