So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
