two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I deserve this hangover.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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