Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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