Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
