I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
