this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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