evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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