I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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