There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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