She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize