Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
