I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The air taste purple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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