No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
