Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize