census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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