We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
