I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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