Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize