I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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