I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
