barbara walters just said penis...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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