See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
