meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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