You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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