Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
