I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
