I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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