Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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