I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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