I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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