i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize