im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
