so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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