i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
