it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
