I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
