I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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