the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
