...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
