Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
