I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
