Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
